i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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