i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
