I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize