You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
