I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
