By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
