After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Two words: blizzard sex
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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