The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize