I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
should my penis look like a turkey
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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