you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
