i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
