Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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