My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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