Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
