my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Come see our sink grown plant.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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