oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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