I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
