Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
