Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
