i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
