I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
