at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
