not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Pooping to opera.
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