I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
