I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
