Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
