Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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