epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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