David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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