He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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