How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize