i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
