he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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