But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
