With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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