Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
