thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize