Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
