I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
