Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
