I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
