I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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