I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
