I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
