why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
