hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
