I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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