I can tuck mytits in my pants
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
bring money and cleavage
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
