Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Drunk is not a location!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
