i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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