So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
