You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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