Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
