He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
