Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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