The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
