I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
