he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
