OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
