I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize