I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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