Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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