I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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