It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We had sex on a dog bed..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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