There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
