he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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