You're my little dorito
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
