im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
