can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
