There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
