living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
