i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
