I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
