So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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