Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
