The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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