WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
