Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
