Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
