Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I need moral support for this bender
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
