It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
