She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
