Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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