You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
