She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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