he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
