The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
look no pants
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
