remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Come on in and take your pants off
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