you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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